OUR APPROACH
Creating the Therapeutic Relationship
The art and practice of psychotherapy begins by creating a solid and safe therapeutic relationship. This is foundational because it is only when you create a safe, relational container that the unfolding process of therapy can occur. It is out of that safe space that therapist and client can gradually begin to explore past relational injuries, uncover repressed memories that inhibit growth and development, grieve what was lost, and discover aspects of the self that were either unknown or forbidden to exist.
In the best sense therapy is a discovery process, one where clients are able to not only heal old wounds but discover that by doing so, their own resilience and authenticity begin to emerge. Together client and therapist can then set inspirational, yet realistic goals that uncover the client’s unique gifts and potential as well as establish ways to create mutually satisfying relationships with others.
People enter therapy because of some degree of hurt or insecurity that stems from not having early attachment needs met. When attachment figures (parents, teachers, family members) fail to create a safe and loving environment, a person’s sense of self becomes wounded, what therapists call a “narcissistic injury”. The result of this wounding is that children blame themselves and come to believe that they’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of love. Or they become fearful and mistrusting and have difficulty sustaining loving relationships in adulthood.
The underpinnings of our approach are as follows:
The intensity and scope of the narcissistic injury and the underlying shame that accompanies attachment injuries, are often relative to the quality of the parent-child bond.
All insecure attachments are traumatic. Whether the childhood environment was abusive, the parental figures were detached, cold, or neglectful, or the child had to endure an anxious, hovering parent who pushed the child to live up to someone else’s standards, all children quickly learn to adapt and compensate in order to maintain a connection.
Unfortunately, the cost of this compensation is often at the expense of healthy development.
At the core of all narcissistically driven over-compensations is an underlying feeling of shame. No one is immune to being activated by shame, although shame triggers vary in intensity and scope from individual to individual.
Because none of us escapes the tumbles and traumas of childhood completely unscathed, all of us suffer from some degree of narcissistic injury to our sense of self.
Depending on the degree or severity, each of us may recognize some trace of defensive adaptation that we have used at some point in our lives.
Psychotherapy is a process that helps replace defensive adaptations with healthier patterns and interactions, where increased trust and self-confidence are the outcomes.
We have developed an assessment and treatment model that can be universally applied across training and treatment disciplines.
This model is aimed at improving listening, tracking, and intervening from a relational perspective that is anchored in attachment theory in the service of understanding struggles related to narcissistic injury. Learn More Here
“The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.”
—Gandhi
Would you like to deepen your clinical skills but can’t spare the time or expense required to go back to graduate school? Do you wish you could participate in a consultation group that reviews case material on a regular basis? The Institute for Advanced Psychotherapy at Loyola University Chicago offers licensed professionals a year-long immersion in cutting-edge training in an interactive, collegial environment. Learn More.
To learn more about how you can integrate our approach into your practice or personal journey, we encourage you to explore our latest book: Embracing Therapeutic Complexity
More About Creating the Therapeutic Relationship…
Defenses develop as an attempt to compensate for these deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or uncertainty. But as is the case with all defensive solutions used as an attempt to feel better or more confident, the compensatory postures are unsustainable over time. Invariably, any defensive over-compensations require more and more effort to maintain over the life span. This is because the source of the pain is not yet understood or metabolized. Failed ambitions, the aging process, life’s disappointments, and losses often result in increased rigidity in attitudes and beliefs. In the treatment of narcissism, one of the central tasks for the therapist is to find ways to dismantle tightly woven defenses that mask feelings of underlying shame.
Understanding the continuum of narcissistic injury is helpful in that it allows both client and therapist to maintain a posture of compassion and hopefulness – compassion because it’s important to remind ourselves that we all have struggled with some degree of injury to our developing sense of self at some point in our lives, and hopefulness because psychotherapy can help people heal and recover from early childhood injuries. At the heart of the human spirit is resilience.