The Four Quadrant Model

Imagine if you will a healthy, intact human being.  Does such a person exist, and if so, can we agree upon what he or she looks like?  How can you recognize the difference between charm and substance, or the difference between perfectionistic standards and realistic goals and ambitions?  What are the identifying traits that could help us better recognize the qualities of health, spontaneity, authenticity, whole-heartedness, ambition, resilience, and personal growth?

In my third book, Embracing Therapeutic Complexity, I provide a diagrammatic road map that allows you to compare the difference between individuals who move through the world by putting exacting standards on themselves as a means of over-compensating for past hurts or deep-seated feelings of unworthiness vs. healthier individuals who move through the world with kindness, grace, and relative ease.

Often, we are fooled by people who make grandiose promises, have achieved material success, or present in a charming or clever manner.  Is this what a healthy self looks like?  To help us answer that question, we might also wonder,

• Does this person display a sense of fairness and mutuality in a relationship?

• Are they driven to achieve success to the point that life becomes out of balance, and they end up neglecting themselves or others?

• Are they able to handle conflict, disappointment, or differences of opinion without becoming angry, deflated, or punitive?

The following two diagrams can help you recognize the difference between a healthy self and an overly defended/driven self.  Both models represent a schematic that captures how people experience themselves in relation to others, as well as what they expect, how they manage complicated feeling states, and how they negotiate strategies for living.  

Download Model Here

Download Model Here

Notice that in the center of the Four Quadrant Model, feelings of Shame lie at the core.  When shame and/or feelings of inadequacy are underneath the surface, all behaviors, wishes, and reactions are to some degree an attempt to hide deep-seated feelings of unworthiness.  It is as if the individual is constantly in a mode of trying to prove him or herself, or the individual becomes highly reactive, even punitive, when wishes and longings are not fulfilled.

Download Model Here

When you examine the Healthy Self-Actualizing Model, you will see that the Innate Self lies at the core of personality.  This is what we’re born with, the temperament, unique gifts, and qualities that are waiting to emerge and leave an impact on the world.  People who are raised in environments where the child’s innate self is honored, protected, encouraged, and guided grow up feeling that the real self can thrive.  Personal strivings and ambitions come from a sense of fulfilling one’s purpose, giving back to the world, and the desire for personal growth throughout the life span.  When healthy individuals experience conflict, a challenge, a growth opportunity, a disappointment, or an unexpected loss, they are able to exhibit:

• The capacity for self-reflection,

• A desire to ask for help and a willingness to receive help,

• An ability to admit mistakes,

• An ability to apologize,

• And to eventually forgive self or others for wrongdoings.

By identifying traits, behaviors, and beliefs, and by examining how each of the four aspects of the self work together or are in conflict, recognizing the difference between a healthy self and a driven self becomes clear.  Most of us have aspects of each of the qualities in both quadrants.  One of the outcomes of successful psychotherapy is that past injuries or losses can be worked through toward resolution and healing.  Thus, more and more aspects of the healthy self are allowed to emerge.